nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
