Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
