my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
