Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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