I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You took a bar mat shot.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
