we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
