I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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