I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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