I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
