Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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