he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
