yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's Friday. Sex?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
