I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
