i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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