No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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