My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
