take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
