I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
