Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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