How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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