so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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