My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
