it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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