How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
