Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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