every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
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Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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