So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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