Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
love makes seman taste better
you mean i was at the winter classic?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
