gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
