woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
PANTIES FOUND
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
