please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize