Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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