I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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