I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
