The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
