ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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