wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
