Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
