bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
