The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
