Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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