chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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