so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
