just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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