Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
