people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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