I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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