Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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