oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
