We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
