seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
