That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
