I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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