I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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