Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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