Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
