Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
