I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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