Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
